Snow Day

(photo by L Cohen, highline, Chealsea, New York City 2010)

January 12, 2011 10:52am Snow Day Morning Pages

The beefed-up snow storms’s past; wasn’t much of a winter wonderland Like the last one. I always love it when The Snow Priestess visits, so pure and newly fresh. Like a new start. I love winter. The speed in me craves the stillness. Quiet.
It’s such a magical gift to be able to take care of myself (I remember praying for this - doing push-ups before work at 7am karate class on West 23rd Street, my hair wet and frizzy wild from running out into the icy winter mornings, then off to work at 9, the ubiquitous bran muffin, the long boring day, then night school for nutrition at 7, nails badly in need of a manicure and no time or moolah for regular facials or colonics or massages, no time for deep breathing on the run. No time nor enuf patience for my two incredible children as they sped past my speeding. Now. My prayers are answered. I am able to do morning rituals for mind/body/Spirit most days, I belong to a great gym, study with a deep-souled yoga teacher and a wild and mystical Egyptian belly dance instructor. And of course, there’s my family. Me and my family. Precious. Given.
I feel I’m changing. Slowly and nearly imperceptivity, yet I am. More equanimity, more emotionally spacious with regard to attachments and the way I “think” things “should” be (in my favor). Having taken many cleansing flower essences and gem elixirs etc. for the past few months (Sagebrush, Liard Hot Springs, Golden Seal, Lousewort, Brazilian Quartz) I am experiencing the releases on many levels and need to be clear that I INITIATED THIS CHANGE FOR THE GOOD; be conscious of what I’m creating and where I’m headed (inside, of course). I am less angry and less willing to just react to what irks me, more meditating on the flow, less knee-jerky, maybe a bit less jerk? More willing to extract the bigger picture from the shorts. My stomach - “gut”- is going crazy loosening and releasing the stagnant astral energy which is clogging my pipes along with the arteries of Spirit. I know I am barely in the chrysalis stage of this current transformative cycle and have worlds of difference to embrace and integrate (much much more open - hopin’ - for light-filled perspectives with the gloom and doom half-life ing it in smoky dust trails fading behind me).
The healing crisis, “cold”, semi-automatic flu/cleansing - for me nearly always starts in my hara (seat of power), gut, between the second and fourth chakras where I “hold”. It’s where I store and layer the shit, old and new disappointments, failed expectations, low self-esteem, “I can’ts”, along with self criticism, fears ranging from where is my “partner”/helpmate - to health challenges in my family. For some, symptoms begin in the chest (grief? asthma-like conditions born of trauma somewhere along the lifestream) where Yerba Santa and Grief Relief are good essences; for some the migraine signals the clearing to come, where the gem elixir celestite helps along with essences for balancing the crown chakra and the entire spinal column and energy system; for some, the throat, when in detriment…has become the “seat” of unexpressed emotions and creativity, and always “stuffing it”. For me, it’s the digestive (or indigestive) tract, very Virgo, very full-spectrum indigestion on all levels where Chamomile, Crab Apple and Chalice Well flower essences soothe and clear.
I haven’t been drinking at all except for Saturday nights - which I provided for (as made ok) in my January goal of no drinking. I hope this will lead to being more mindful in this area for good. Also, much less tv and filler reading. More targeted for study and skill. More action oriented. Proactive and yet most acutely aware of the non-actions I must abide in order to grow and heal, of which there are many. No pushing others towards my way, no manipulations, no jumping the gun, back stabbing, judging (trying), blaming…allowing, more space for unfoldment, with Star Ruby and Northern Lights my essence choices. I adore and use unsparingly the environmental essences, capturing a moment of sacred, often wild and transformative, elemental time/occurrence in Nature.
So much cleansing! Not sure I was prepared. But signs are signs. And taking responsibility works. Good friends have been MIA for months, top students taking their leave, courses disappearing, what seemed once important dims. I have a “stomach” ache and am coming at healing on many fronts: Oscillococcimun, bee propolis, Echinacea and Gold Seal, juicing, Emergen C, Chlorella, herbal teas, clear blessed water by the barrel, massage, extra B complex and zinc, tons of probiotics, heavy doses of great music and art, and of course all my essences and elixirs and prayers to Guru Rinpoche. Staying on top of my life as much as I am able, the nuts and bolts. The ineffable love of - and - for my family. A belief Obama will make a positive difference in the universe.
I feel a new Shambhala on the other side of the steep cliff. Perhaps one hundred miles straight up the rocky Himalayas, or a dazzling light-year from here. Or in the very next moment. I’m beginning to feel a new dawn, inside. And The Word is Good. And the Word is Goddess.
1. I am filled with gratitude for my precious, exciting, loving life.
2. I am filled with radiant creative energy and beauty.
3. All is well in my world.
4. All I want and need comes easily and naturally to me.
5. I am with the right man for me.